The Battlefield kills I pull off when no one is watching

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I find I am pretty rubbish at Battlefield 4. OK, maybe not completely rubbish, but despite some 18 months of regular sessions with my squad mates/real ACTUAL friends Adam, Jorge and Lawton, I still often find myself exclaiming that I fired a zillion shots at someone only for them to kill me in a single one. I know the game isn’t broken and doesn’t give enemies an advantage, my aim is just terrible, and it sure isn’t getting any better.

Or maybe it is, but just when none of my buddies are there to see it. Let me explain, last week I played some games on my own. I’m sorry squaddies, I know we always play together but you all seemed busy probably having dinner out or going on dates rather than being me sitting at home on a Friday, so I rolled with what I had. Anyway, somehow during this solo session (not a euphemism) I had not one but three instances where I inexplicably pulled off ridiculous kills.

Yes, more ridiculous than that stupid bike shot I did ages ago. These were actually bonkers.

No idea I was even there…

Like most of my kills in Battlefield 4, this one was prefaced with me missing an easy target. I get a guy quickly in my sights, all lined up and proceed to miss every single single shot I take at him. This is rubbish-at-Battlefield Tom at his finest.

But after that pathetic display, I decided to regroup and try to scope out another target. I suddenly spotted the helmet peeking over a hill top and then forgot that, as my previous example of accuracy showed, I’m totally not good enough to make the shot.

I take great pride that it was in “Hardcore Mode”, meaning poor “badzani” had no idea where the shot came from…

Tubing like the n00b I am

I had always wanted to try firing an RPG from a parachute, in game obviously (although…), but never had since it would do absolutely nothing to service my squad. I would most likely achieve no kills, get shot by some maniac who can actually headshot someone who’s in mid-air and cost my entire team tickets.

Clearly I’m an idiot, because the complete opposite of that happened. And then some.

Honestly, that might have been the quickest succession of kills I have ever had in the whole 18 months of playing. And it required me to n00b-tube.

I’m so bad.

When tubing doesn’t cut it

On that very same roof top, possibly even right after that last video, I can’t remember, I thought maybe trying some sniping with a mid-range rifle was a good idea. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

But then some guy spots me and clips me with a bullet. Such a slight could not go unpunished, so I swapped out sniping with an inappropriate rifle to sniping with an even more inappropriate rocket launcher. It too goes about as well as you’d expect. I fire four rockets at the guy, and only one of them even slightly damages him.

At this point, I think some kind of higher power must have invaded my hands, because I have absolutely no idea how I thought I could, and subsequently did, pull this off.

But seriously, despite all this bragging at me being, on one brief occasion, capable of fluking some cool shots in Battlefield 4: I’ve got nothing on fellow LoadScreen editor Charlie. That dude is scary.

Give Tom crap for n00b-tubing on Twitter: @tomdheath. Don’t forget to follow @load_screen and like us on Facebook.

Editor/Co-owner

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