RPGs are hell for people with OCD

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– Charlie Braithwaite

It’s been well documented on LoadScreen that games will pretty much ruin your life. This isn’t exactly a bad thing, as we wouldn’t have much to do with our days otherwise. There are however, certain types of games that will destroy you more than others, take RPGs for example. I know many a noble friend who has perished upon a title’s release, only to surface six months later after they awaken from the dark possession. But how do insanely immersive RPGs impact those of us who like things to stack up neat and perfectly. Yes, I will admit it, I have a mild form of obsessive compulsive disorder, and when you mix that with a world I can directly control, it’s a recipe for disaster.

Creating a character is one of the most sickening ordeals

How many of you have spent over an hour designing every minute detail of a character in an RPG? When you have control over how large your character’s ear lobes are things tend to get a bit messy. I have a very recent example on how this kind of thing can force you to go into a homicidal rampage. In preparation for the release of Fallout 4 I decided I should give Fallout: New Vegas a play as it has been sitting in my Steam library for years (sorry New VegasFallout 3 consumed me to the point you were unappealing upon release).

As I went through the rigorous character design progress I struggled for close to two hours attempting to make the perfect specimen. The character was a red headed woman who would become a feared gunslinger, I essentially wanted to create Andrea from The Walking Dead, but with red hair. Okay, so after spending over half of a Lord of the Rings movie creating this person I stepped out into the world ready to help folks with tasks they could easily do themselves. As I strolled along the town of Goodsprings I spotted a saloon and decided I best head in and check for quests.

Oh, for fuck sake.

“Oh, for fuck sake. No I will not stick around as clearly one of us needs to leave or die.”

Yup, the character I had toiled over for so long was just a slightly taller version of the fist NPC I spoke to. How? How does this happen? Instantly I decided one of us needed to go, and it wasn’t going to be me. This obviously had a negative impact on my character, instead of being a gunslinger with a heart, I was a murderer who had committed bizarre accidental identity theft.

You need to pick up EVERYTHING

Everything in an RPG has the potential to be useful… everything. Yes even that bullshit teacup worth 0.5 gold and weighing 15kg might be useful in a quest later on. Maybe a troll will want it in exchange for the rarest sword in the galaxy, how do I know what the future will bring? Which is why I fucking have to have it, even if it means I am over encumbered and have to spend 2 day cycles staggering to the nearest town to store it.

My sword is bigger than most people but adding one apple will be too much.

My sword is bigger than most people, but adding one apple will break my back.

Dragon attacks in Skyrim would give me panic attacks, not because of the danger, but because I would inevitably not be able to take all of the loot after it was killed. I’d be making my way to a remote dungeon and have to do a complete u-turn back home because dragon bones and scales weigh too much to enter a dungeon with. Seriously they are worth way too much gold to leave behind and if you enter a dungeon with them you will no doubt have to sacrifice something valuable inside. Just thinking about it is making my palms sweaty. Let’s not even mention the potions I will never use in case I need them “later.”

Side quests became an eternal trap

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt has been one of my favourite games so far this year. Over 60 hours in and I couldn’t tell you what happens throughout the story though. I’ve been on a constant side-quest spree that has no end in sight.  How could I leave a village plagued by a specter to fend for itself? Not to mention that sweet gold and loot Geralt will get for his services. What’s that you say, Ciri needs help? Let’s face it, she is more powerful than I am at this stage, she should be helping me.

The most ferocious enemy in the game.

The most ferocious enemy in the game.

It’s not getting easier either, CD Projekt RED are far too good at their job, by supplying free DLC, that each time I boot the game up I have a deeper tunnel to get lost in. At this point I am destined to never find out what happens, and if I do at least a few years of in-game time will have passed, so I’m sure by the time I get to it Ciri will have defeated the Wild Hunt single handedly and is now chilling at home with a cup of tea.

Charlie wanted to add more to this list, but his OCD prevents him from adding any more than three of anything. Follow him on Twitter @clbraith, and don’t forget to follow @load_screen and like us on Facebook. 1,23, 1,2,3, 1,2,3.

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