We all know The Onion is satire and masquerades as real news, despite many real news events seeming to be like Onion articles, but boy do they make some compelling arguments about Crash Bandicoot in this new video.
The latest in their “Progress” series, where they reinterpret video games to imply they’re progressive for portraying serious issues, looks at Crash as though he is a Vietnam War veteran dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The narrator describes Crash as “skiddish and paranoid”, that “loud noises reduce him to tears” and his addiction to Wumpa Fruit is a direct result of him not having access to adequate mental health care.
It really puts Crash’s silent demeanour in perspective. And despite his condition seeming to improve as the game goes on as the narrator says, it would surely have worsened by the time Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped came around. Warped saw Crash travel in time to ancient Egypt, World War I and the dinosaur age, some of the most horrific periods in history. Perhaps that’s why in the next game he’d taken up the hobby of go-karting?
Well, if there’s the possibility of a new iteration to the series in the works, methinks perhaps it’s time for a gritty Crash Bandicoot reboot?