There’s something horrific hiding in Splatoon 2


Splatoon 2 is a child friendly game, or at least it presents itself that way. However, lurking beneath the surface is a tale so horrific it boggles the mind.

Part of what makes Splatoon 2 a great title – as you can read in our review – is the world building in Inkopolis, where you can visit stores and kit yourself out with new weapons, fancy clothes and purchase some pure unadulterated terror to chow down on… wait, what?

So, at the back of Inkopolis is an unassuming van that sells food, granting you XP multipliers in-game. This food truck is run by a sentient shrimp known as Crusty Sean. Why is Sean so crusty you ask? Well he’s living a life of agony, as he’s been fried alive into panko batter clothing.

“My life is pain.”

Now, you might be telling yourself that Sean is a regular shrimp just dressed up in a panko suit, but what if I told you shrimp don’t turn that deep shade of red until they’ve been cooked? Yikes.

There’s more to this though, you’re not just buying food from a living torture victim, he’s also selling wares such as the Crusty Seanwich.

Disgusting for a number of reasons.

Considering he is the only representative of shrimpkind in the game, and is a pretty tall character, for one of his species to be small enough to fit in a sandwich they’d have to be young, right?

There’s no way to spin this that makes it okay. Best case you’re actually eating small parts of him, eventually coming back for more delicious snacks to find a literal shell of a man. Worst case he’s a partially cooked monstrosity selling his own young for profit.

No, never peace.

Sheesh… let’s go back to some child warfare and forget about this mess.

Give Charlie a battering on Twitter @clbraith and don’t forget to follow @load_screen and like us on Facebook.


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